Thursday, November 15, 2012
Weight limit exceeded...
Warning: this is total self loathing bullshit that helps only you get through the day...
The day you give birth: The day you give birth will always be joyous. That extra 30 to 80 pounds you have gained is jello down a pot hole after you see your precious babies squishy little face. Your first shower can be joyous, and leave you feeling refreshed and ready for new mommy hood (or returning).I mean lets face it, when that sweet little angel blessing comes out, so does some pretty nasty shit. But in my own experience, no matter how great you feel, you should never look in the mirror or step on a scale. For some god awful reason, that 8 pound baby, 7 pound placenta, and 10 pounds of water and BS may have left your body.! And the scale says you have only lost 4 pounds! How is this possible?!!!! Is this republican math?
MOMMY EXCUSE: swelling!! You can blame it on swelling for at least a month, a c-section may even buy you 3... its hard work giving birth!
3 months a mommy: Most of you have been sitting at home enjoying a maternity leave for about 3 months. The weight may be packing on and breast feeding just wasn't for you. No matter what anyone tells me, I remember scarfing down 2 egg sandwiches with a leach attached to my breast. (That scary moment when you hope you don't drop egg yolk on your offspring's head is never graceful..)
MOMMY EXCUSE: "I have been stuck in the house and getting no sleep. How many hours do YOU get a night??! I am going on a total of 6 in 3 days!!! I am way too tired for exercise and need to get back to working and having a purpose before I can shed my baby weight! Plus.. I wear yoga pants everyday... "
MOMMY EXCUSE: "I finally get to sit down and enjoy a good meal. But unfortunately, I can not go out very often, I am a mother! Finding time to exercise is just as much work as actually doing it." It is also helpful to point out what a change balancing work and mommyhood is. Thus the reason you just cant shake your extra happy weight. (Csection mommies, dont forget to explain to others how they cut through your core muscles to pull out that baby with the giant head. )
MOMMY EXCUSE: "My child never eats all their food. I must do my part and save the earth. Cleaning up whats left on that plate just may be the only civil duty I have time for anymore." Then, immediately start trying for baby number 2 lol.