Sunday, November 18, 2012

PMS VS. PPI'S and FML'S...

                               What a day from hell. HELLLLLLL. Is this really my life?

Lets start with last night... I am scheduled to midnight, but get "lucky" enough to be released from my prison at 11. I lock up everything tight and then go out to my car. Whenever I am leaving I always know the exact spot to roll my tires to, so I can shut the gate at night. The spot is just over the hump from the drive way at work, to the street. I park over the hump, lock the gate, and hear my shit hole people mover stall out. I get back in, look at my gas gage, and immediately know the incline is to blame as much as my empty bank account and almost empty gas tank. After about 10 min of pushing my car into the street I finally get in and start home. I realize while I am driving, I lost my cell. Searching frantically and trying to navigate the hood, I finally find it and leave my bestie a horrible message. "How dare you not answer when I called 3 times and was stranded in the hood. I HOPE WHEN THEY CALL YOU TO NOTIFY YOU OF MY DEAD BODY, YOU GET THAT CALL! click".. How dare she not answer to her bff at almost midnight. Lol. Prettty sure, i can blame that one on the PMS.
  12am:   I make it home, spend some time with j and realize that poor grayson still feels feverish. I hold and love my little booger and then we all get ready for bed, since mommy has to be to work at 10 am tomorrow. Grayson climbs in bed with mommy and snuggles up like his sweet little bum is too cold, so i snuggle back and drift off to bed around 2 am.

5 am.. I am awakened by a slobbery baby kiss and the following : "HEWWO" "DADA" "GODBAMORBINGSD" "UH" "AHHHAA".... FML.... you just went to bed at 2am kid, wtf are you doing awake? I try to ignore the small turd in my bed who is climbing on my head and kicking me in the face for a solid 20 minutes.. NO SUCH LUCK. I finally wake up j, who happens to be dead asleep. Since he woke the beast with his sleep jabbering, he should be the one to toss his butt into his crib so I can finish what little sleep I deserve.

9am. Time to get up. Shit, I need gas. I force j to get up so he can get me gas and I can get ready for work. He does, and I take out the dogs. My first thought : HOLEY BATSHIT it is cold out. Second thought: Piccy has peed and pooped and is waiting by the door. It is now 9:17. What the hell GG! He keeps running in a circle and will not poop!~ I am going to be late. I shower, kiss my baby with a fever, and haul ass to work.

9:56 I finally make it to work and decide to get out, and open the gate, so I can pull my fuck ass car in the lot. I put in the gate code and go to get back in the car, sit down and shut my door. It swings back open. I try again. It swings back open. W T F. I pull in with the door flying and take a look. Obviously this is just a giant piece of fuckity fuck fuck and I give up. Its broken. I call people to help me and my dad says to look at the other side. I pull some lever, that door gets stuck open to. I want to cry. Is it the pms? Or the fml? IDK... but IGU!

10AM... I walk in to my office, gag from the smell, and on my desk is about 6 PPI'S. A ppi is short for "private property impound". Now all of these ppi's have come from the riverview center downtown. Anyone familiar with downtown would know that "downtown" is one street with about 7 barsand no parking at all. It is also where any dumb douchy hand fed bradentuckian kid would party. Because of this, I seriously hate weekends, we always get a lot full of cars, all owned by dumbass drunkards who spent the prior evening  drinking heavily and parking in a tow lot. The company I work for has a contract with the riverview center owner, and anyone who has left their car in the lot, with signs posted "tow away zone" will have their car removed and brought here by 7 am. TAKE NOTE ALCHY'S! DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CAR IN THE LOT WITH THE TOW SIGNS!!! I know that sounds so simple, and you may have been "doing that since you were 21" but just fucking don't.

11am... I have now taken the time to enter in all the "ppi's" and given up on fixing my car. My phone at work is ringing off the fucking hook and I have just about shed a few tears after the second rude member of the hangover part 3 has called. One poor soul who was actually very nice came in and picked up his vehicle just as all the calls had calmed. Of course, his first question was : "When did they start towing down there? I have been parking there for years!" I reffered to the signs and he was understanding..I thought to myself...hmm, this day may get better...nope.

12pm. Drunk dillhole number 2 pulls up. Why on gods green earth, the day I am bloated, tired, pms'ing and miserable, did this next drunky have to be a past sexual escapade? Ugh, him and his friend come in, ask "When did they start towing from there? I have been parking in that lot forever"..eyeroll... they pay what they can, and leave. Thank god that is over, but i realllly wanted to die now.

12:20 pm... Drunk fucktard number 3. This guy calls beforehand, curses at me on the phone and then proceeds to walk in with his skanky girlfriend who looks rode hard and put away wet. His first statement is as follows...  "This is fucking ridiculous, I have been parking in that lot since I was 21 and have never been towed, when the fuck did they start towing from there?"... THAT WAS IT. IM FUCKING FED UP! My response "Sir, they have signs posted everywhere in that lot explaining the right for the owner to have your vehicle towed. Next time try going someplace where you will have no trouble finding a parking spot and will not be towed from, LIKE AN AA MEETING, now GOOD DAY!"

1:30. F M L. Shit has hit the god damn fan. Calls are coming in like crazy, I'm getting the wrong addresses, and people are still picking up their cars and complaining about our morals... "What would you rather I drive drunk?" ...EYEROLL... "No mam, would you rather be paying 10 grand for a DUI. Pretty sure 178.00 is getting off easy!" I am starving, emotional, worried about grayson, staring at my open car door, and pissed off at the fucking world.

Its now almost 4. Things have slightly calmed down some, but I did just get a call about a jumpstart I must have overlooked, from 1pm. :-O .. and i finally got some food thanks to my wonderful friend and blog follower Jaime, and lastly the calls have somewhat regulized. But i just cant help the want to fucking bawl... Is it PMS? PPI'S? FML'S? I dont know... but im seriously ready to go home. This is what it is like to be me for a few fucking hours...

xoxo-h :(


  1. So I guess you have a good schedule is that why you keep this job? and how did you get your doors shut?

    1. I have no clue why i am still here... maybe it is the hours lol ... and my door is bungee corded... ps- it hurts like a MUTHER FUCKER to get slapped in the face with a bungee cord...

    2. OMG I am so LMFAO! Thanks for that visual!

  2. Omg Heather!!!! It was way more fun to hear you tell this!

    1. More fun to hear the pain in my voice? i bet lol ...


If you are here to troll, dont even comment. I will be removing all comments that i see derogratory or un-needed. Thanks, h