Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Its only stalking if you wont admit it...

         This is no joke, I have become a Full Fledge Facebook Stalker! I can not help it.. I like to blame the lack of activity at work. And also my lack of interest in "family guy", which happens to play for hours when I am home with J. Why must we watch the same freakin episodes over and over? "I haven't seen this one, I swear" j will respond to my protests. "Um, really? Well how much do you wanna bet that Peter and Bill Clinton become best friends, smoke pot, eat a live pig, and then fight because Bill fucks Lois?" I respond to him with an eye roll. "You saw the preview for it..." J will tell me and honestly believe himself. I swear he lives in his own little fucking dimension lol. In this dimension every episode of Family Guy is brand new and the last time I cleaned the house was 2010 lol.

Anyways, I am straying from the point. I have so much time on my hands, and such a face book savvy brain, that stalking is easy... and addicting. You can only status update, blog, and post ecards for so long before you are bored. So my mind starts to wander. hmmmmm......

My ex. Now as much as I love to hate "NED" and "NED-ELLA", I love to watch the dysfunction unfold on their face books. It is hard for me to always have access, since I have them on block, but never fear.. there are "ways" lol. The best part of these status updates would have to be the apparent lack of spelling, delusional happiness, and blatant disrespect for privacy in their relationship. Its like  a freakin TRAINWRECK ON METH. I can not look away. Here is a prime example lol...

"NED : Our don't u love the ones that says ewww look at them our they fat our they ugly shit half the time u ugly u fat our way to skinny and u hate what u see in that mmirror but its u and u look like shit god I love fb u can just go on and on and on and they can't do shit but block me "

Dear god, where do I start??? First of all, "OR" is the proper spelling, "OUR" means belonging to both. And since when did all punctuation just fall off the face of this polluted earth? These status updates rarely make sense, and rarely have a comment or a like. Sometimes I wonder if they are about me... but this time... I have a feeling it isn't. Previous posts have shown the drama did not stop with me, and has continued with "NED-ELLA".... Speaking of nedella, her posts are usually equally annoying and forthcoming. If you are having drama, why do you need to inform the entire town of bradentucky? Why does your second cousin once removed need to know you and your boyfriend will be "doing the dirty" for your one year anniversary? (Also known as NEDS prison release date)... This is obnoxious, to say the least, but also highly entertaining to your "HATERZ" as you call them. Them being me lol. But I must say, whenever you reference me, call me names, speak of my relationship with NED, or even post your obvious jealousy of the above mentioned... It still amuses me. Any time I see my predictions for your pathetic life come true, the little immature skinny girl inside me smiles. But no matter what you post, the fact that you are proud of your "ghetto-ness" seriously makes my day, every day.  Here was one of my favorite posts geared at me, with a lovely picture to go with it...

"Nedella: Lol, I must be bord... thanks H sincerely from the bottom of my heart for givin me the best thing that ever happend to me. I for once in my lyfe can be so appreciative to a bitch I dnt even know."

Oh skanky Nedella, you are sincerely welcome. And I thank you, for the severely bi-polar posts you make on a daily, that remind me why I left Ned in the first place :) . I have never had the best memory ;) These posts are some of the mild examples of the ups and downs. I see it go from "my disny princess women" (lol) to "why cant u just love me even though I fuck up everyday please come back". Face book soap opera lol ... js....

Now my personal EX's are not the only fun people to stalk on face book. There is always Jeramies ex dip shits also. Lol I don't venture to j's exes as often because one of them doesn't even really know how to use facebook and makes ned look like the spelling bee champion of bradenton. She now has 4 kids, each with different fathers. One is the guy she has cheated on J with. We will call her Menduh. Because she obviously has lots of men in her life, duh. Her face book posts are usually amusing and her pictures are always the worst. Why do we need to see 20 pictures of your kid with poop on their face? Sick.

Then we have J's past fuck buddy, we will call her Pat. She reminds me soo much of a man-girl. She is also on the hefty side, like all his other girlfriends lol, including me. But the reason she seems so manly does not have anything to do with looks. This girl is a video-gaming ghetto-aholic. Meaning she likes to drink, be hood, and play video games. Her life is usually pretty boring and seeing anything she posts is pretty lame. But i still look every once in a while lol ...

Now, ex-friends, the one that have stabbed you in the back, they are the best. I never get bored with seeing how often I occupy their mind. How many times will your lonely alcoholic friend post an obvious picture at my expense? Lol .. seriously.. posting about "High school drama" six weeks after the said drama is over, is slightly redundant lol. Doncha think? I understand your need to let everyone know how happy you are, and how miserable I am. In fact the post in which you "cryptic status" about me, and have your "followers" respond with jokes about my looks, had me cracking up. Should I be offended that people are cracking jokes about "someone" in which they have not seen or talked to? Lol maybe if you post a picture and have them rip me apart, it would hurt a littttle bit more lol! So, I thank all of these people who know nothing about me, or what I look like, or even my name, for pointing out that I am obviously hideous and miserable in my life lol.  Clearly that is why we can not be friends. I am just too jealous of you lol. No... sorry. We can not be friends because you are clearly way too intense, self involved, dramatic, and delusional. Why not just let me know when I can benefit your life again, then we can make up... OR NOT...

So you see, there are many people to occupy my bored moments and to stalk via facebook. New ones pop up everyday. I must admit that visiting peoples pages that you actually "like"... kind of sucks. I don't want to see someone I like fight with their significant other, or hear about the long line at the dmv... I wish good things to my actual friends and family. So all in all... I have absolutely no shame in facebook stalking. It occupies me in times of need, helps me realize I have made the right decisions for me, and confirms the fact that my haters are still obsessing. I guess I am just purely comfortable with my "unhappy" life and fully confident in my need to fill the boring moments with other peoples bs... So keep writing, and I will keep stalking :) In fact, I invite all my haters reading my PUBLIC blog, and looking at my public posts on facebook, to continue to do so :) As ned-ella says... Keep Hatin bitchez ;)

 
and this picture is a whole nother story lol! xoxo-h




3 comments:

  1. Heather you area natural blogger! You even managed to make this subject interesting. i love to hear your point of view on all things! Even those that are replacing Jerry Springer in your life!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol thanks hollz! I try... jerrry jerrry jerrrry lol

      Delete
  2. You crack me up and I love every minute! You could do a whole bolg on Jeremy and it would be hysterical!

    ReplyDelete

If you are here to troll, dont even comment. I will be removing all comments that i see derogratory or un-needed. Thanks, h