Monday, November 19, 2012

Conspiracy (hair) theories..

        I find it very odd that there are a few things in life that seem to simply defy the laws of physics and well... disappear. (Eraser dust.. where the fuck does that shit go??)  First we will talk about socks, everyone knows that socks disappear. But, where the fuck do they go? Even though j loses his, my worst issue  is not socks, since i own 0 pairs. What's to lose?  

 My biggest fucking loss seems to be "HAIR TIES". I am a hair tie wearing fuckin freak. Just to CLEAR UP any confusion, a hair tie and a SCRUNCHY are two very different things. Now yes, they both kind of "do the same job",but a scrunchy is purely for washing your face or staring in a new 90's sitcom... You can not, and NEVER will be able to fashionably wear a scrunchy... yuck...

                                      HAIR TIE >


So... I seem to have an obsession with the lazy way out. On work days, I wake up, do my thing, take a shower, throw my hair up, apply make up, and then haul ass to work. The thing is, I will seriously buy a pack of hair ties, and within a week, they are gone. Is there some weird dimension full of fucking hair ties? Or, what if the underwear gnomes from south park really exist? If so, they never take my "draws". I am pretty sure i still have a thong from high school in my drawer. So maybe they only steal men's undies? Like, skid mark search parties?

WHAT IF , they steal J's underwear and my hair ties to bundle all of them into one collection with our address on it? Weird!!  I just don't get it... Now, I used to have a theory, that my cats stole the hair ties and then played with them. All the time I would find my hair ties in the cat food bowls... and then I would reuse them lol. Gross? Who cares!? I am sure you have put worse things, in worse places... (I.E your mouth mmmhmm)... So mAYbe.... My cats were killing the underwear hairtie gnomes, and now that I have locked her in the garage, she can no longer save our unmentionables and lazy wear :( ... And, if she is in the garage now, does that mean she might attack the dryer with the land of  missing socks? Can we make up for hairtie underwear losses on J's socks? I should sooo be a problem solving loss prevention adjuster.... Just some random thoughts.... My own version of conspiracy theories... You have your Obama Muslim shit.. and I have underwear hair tie gnomes...

Ps. OMG ... I just had a creepy thought.... Remember trolls? What if they are the underwear hairtie gnomes? They did have a lot of hair and NO UNDIES...
Pss.- If you ask j, he will claim I never put anything back in its proper place, which is why they are missing. Puh-lease...
My mom recently found this picture of me from a childhood xmas lol .... dear god!


  1. Heather you should be a "problem solving loss prevention adjuster." But I still think professional blogger...just need some advertisers! That is how you make the money traffic!


If you are here to troll, dont even comment. I will be removing all comments that i see derogratory or un-needed. Thanks, h