Friday, December 7, 2012

sitting on the sideline while my boss watches football...

Today was quite a fucking shitty day lol. The brake locked up on the driver side of the truck, and i decided we will eventually have to move into another house. So after having it towed in and sitting down at my desk i realize my freakin boss is not here, and its fucking friday. Greeeeat. This means he went to the High school championshipy game, three hours away again.

Finding out, after defeating all my problems today, that i have to work until almost 2 or 3 am really sucks donkey twat. I hate my job! Shortly after taking a rotation for a car stuck in the middle of the road, and having some little girls mommy bitch at me for the county set prices, im just blah. I have not eaten all day, cried over a lifetime movie, and reactivated my facebook. What else is there?

I guess i could be posting 900 million pictures about random things that either amuse me or piss me off right now... but i am just too blah. Instead i have been scrolling through my news feed and have seen strange things.... well i have always seen them, but i never talk about it. Other then having that "one friend" on facebook.... it is amusing to look at your friends as a whole. Most people will have at least one of the following stereo types as a friend....

Mr. Obvious: Oh its cold out? Its December, and i have outside also. Oh Obama is president? I posted that on November 7th lol. Oh my goodness, a celebrity died or went to jail... I could have seen that on tv, but a special thanks to the 24 people who just posted it in my news feed. Sometimes, people just feel the need to tell you the most ridiculous shit ever, like they cant sleep... its 3am and you are on fb. If you are asleep and typing seek help.

The Bandwagon follower: We totally get it. You agree with the masses. Now please, go vote for our president before you hear any facts. And make sure on the way to the polls you ignore all natural signs that discourage you from writing in "mike the situation" for president...

The annoying copy and paster : This person either a. Copies all status' or pictures from others, or b. Uses status shuffle allll the time. We know you did not come up with that corny joke... but we also know that since you would post that corny joke for all to see, you will probably also claim it as your own... its really a lose lose... this also includes the "inspirational quotes" poster... you suck too lol ...

The politician: We feel strongly and we are going to tell you why. If you don't agree, just block me from your news feed now lol ... (so me)

The Holey Poster: I sometimes have more than one, but i have to admit i usually restrict them from my news feed and posts. I can not go on facebook without seeing "if you love Jesus click like". Do you seriously believe that Jesus has a facebook and is watching you at that very moment?? Lol. Hmmm... maybe you do... you obviously don't believe in evolution, so why not believe that clicking like on fb will change your fate in gods eyes. I can see the dumb ass person who started that picture thread now. "Hmmm.. I need attention... what if i make a post where people will HAVE to like, or they will go to hell. I will do it now." Eyeroll... Jew or not, i don't believe that Jesus, or god, or even Oprah gives a fuck what i like on facebook!

The hungry man or woman: There seems to be a trend of instagramming your food. Is that even a word? Well if not, it should be. You will most likely always have at least one person on your friends who has to show us every meal they eat, that is not pb&j. My dad does this. I find it cruel. As a fat girl, who is at work, and hungry... cut that shit out lol. I don't care if you have steak when  all i have is a slim Jim in my purse and a warm water. i will not be liking your food gram. In fact right now, i don't like you. Lol. ;)

The neglected one: You will always have someone who is constantly in turmoil over the lack of something to do, or the lack of attention they are receiving. This person will either be extremely emotional that day, and talk about dead loved one, or they will super down to make shit happen in their life. Be careful how you comment... it usually is never pretty!

Im sexy and i know it poster: Posts 20 pictures of them selves and then status updates about how they went to the gym twice and ate brown rice and broccoli for the past 42 days straight. Ugh. I get it. I look down at my gut, my checkers cup next to me, and my feet up on the desk and think... win lol...

The "photographer": Not only do they take pictures of themselves with their cell phone, but they also join the hungry man in attempts to photograph food or inanimate objects. Even instagram can not help some of those pictures. They are not professional. I am certainly not one to talk. I love exploring my camera and hoping one day i can afford to buy a REAL camera. For now... my dream will die and my photo albums will fill up :)

The ghetto king/queen: Now i wont lie, some people are removed from my news feed if they are yucky ghetto. Some stay and i laugh with them. And some i just accept for who they are. Obviously, i knew you were ghetto when we met, and i can spend  "figh extra secz tryyin ta figa out watchu sayin dawg"... ;)

The pretenders: We know you are seriously delusional lol. You have a ton of shit going on yet you are bored and looking to "chill" ... ?? Really? Didn't that last post just say your baby mamma kicked you out, your car got repo'd, you were fired last week, and you are broke? Now you wanna go out and "chill"? Um you should be seeking therapy lol not bar whores! But at least with those pretenders they are delusional and not alluding.

The optimists: These are the people who think they are perfect, and also their lives are perfect. "My facebook brings all the smiles to the world, and my life.. is better than yours.. damn right... its better than yours..."   Lol. If you say you love your life on face book soooo much, that you actually have to shorten it to "lml" .... just don't waste your time. We can see your last post and the one before that... we get it. We just don't believe it lol.

The better off: We went to the same school, lived in the same neighborhood yet you have everything i want lol and i have... well... you get it lol... eff you ... oh, you are offended because you are super sweet and perfect? Lol double eff you ... <3 br="br">
The friend you forgot you had: You pop up out of no where. We have been friends for like 6 years on facebook, where the hell have your status' been? You have not posted since 2010 and here you are like that was just yesterday.... You are wearing a graduation cap in your profile picture... it doesn't take much time to check in ya know

The over poster: That is me. Among other stereotypes i feel i fit in here well. Ever since discovering the share button and having 6 plus hours at work with nothing to do, i share...a lot... too much... but idc.

The happy day poster: Yes its Friday... yay for fucking you. Friday doesn't mean shit to me anymore. In fact none of the days do. So post away... i will keep scrolling. I also heard you like to post good morning pictures.. thank god i sleep in everyday and i don't have to scroll past those.... Happy weekday to you too and good night...

The cryptic statuser: Oh cryptic asshole, we all know who you hate... and if we don't.. I'm sure you will pm us and tell us exactly who pissed you off. Why not grow some and say who it is? Lol. It will never phase to amaze me why that is unacceptable, but whining about someone cryptically is OK? "Hey friends, help me bash someone you don't know on facebook, and then tell me how right I am after you have heard what i want you to hear. That way... i have some crazy validation..." These people need to figure out if they want to be ballsy or just shut the fuck up lol... being in the middle just makes you look insecure.. 
The inappropriate poster: This person loves shock value and ecards. They usually post shit that i laugh at all the time. But i wouldnt exactly show their page to my grandma... I fall into this category a lot... hence the "restriction" button lol ...

I am sure there are tons more stereo types in your news feed. These are not actually ALL from my own... I looked through a friends page to get some inspiration and not just pull from my own pool of friends. Now after admitting i fall into a ton of these categories and i am sure more.. please don't get all butt hurt over them and think i am being a "cryptic blogger" lol. None of these are about one specific person.. well maybe one of them is, but i bet you can guess which one ;)

Hope you enjoyed my rambling tonight... thanks for spending some time with me while i am at work, even if i am just narrating in your head,  it can get kinda lonely in the hood! <3 p="p" xoxo="xoxo">


  1. You really nailed it! Oh and btw its 2:30 in the effin morning and I m up reading your blog, and its cold outside and well just insert a pic of me infront of my bathroom mirror here! Love you and your beautiful potty mouth! Xoxo


If you are here to troll, dont even comment. I will be removing all comments that i see derogratory or un-needed. Thanks, h