Friday, January 18, 2013
Ned comes back from the dead...ugh
WARNING: COMPLETE BABBLE AHEAD! lol
The recent actions of "Ned". (for those of you newbies it is an acronym for 'needs everyday drugs' and refers to my ex of 10 years) Ugh, so anyways I truly had thought my text battles with him were over. I had never been happier to see the words "dont text 'our' call me ever again", as I was during the text battle back in November. But for some reason, Ned always knows when things get rough, he can push a few of my buttons, and relieve some stress in ex-relationship combat. Why do I always give in? Is it because I know I am better then him, and possibly enjoy it just as well as he does? Or maybe that I know when it comes to Ned I will always be right? Do I still care about his well being, Or does he just piss me the fuck off? Maybe its one or all of those things. But last night I finally did it. I can be captain save-an-addict.. I finally blocked his ass from my life. And seriously, No joke... I feel more mature already.
Sometimes its SO hard to let go of the past. To not be involved, or even informed, about someone you once cared SO much for. But when it comes to Ned, I just cant handle ALL THAT CRAZY. He seriously is the painted picture of "bradenton roxy addict". The people with disgusting mood swings, dishonest words, and thievery. I used to think he was a good person with a sickness. But now I know, he is too far gone. He was terminal when we were together, and his soul died shortly after. It just makes me sad.
Do people really ever have a good relationship with their ex? I mean an actual friendship? Will there not always be a jealous new significant other, spiteful blame, child support battle, or broken promise? I don't think I know anyone who just decided they would break up and stay friends. Why? Why are people even apt to having a long term relationship after they have been burned so badly? Maybe we are all co-dependant. Maybe society pushes into our heads that we need to couple up and mate. Lol. But seriously, I don't know if I believe in "true love" or "love at first sight" anymore. I believe in trust,loyalty, and lust. But if any of that dies, or is broken, just move on. Because there is no recovering.
I hate having learned what I have, but at least I will never have to go through it again or put my child through it. Me and J have many issues, but our fights are mild. Fighting with j is like being armed with a marsh mellow gun. Fighting with Ned required an automatic weapon. J's lies are on the same lines of "no you don't look fat in those jeans baby!" as opposed to Ned's "No I didn't steal 300 dollars off your debit card, I only pawned our DVDs" . No matter what J throws my way, I never wake up feeling like an abused, white trash chick, in a wife beater. I guess I just wish friends would listen when I try to explain to them exactly what drugs can do to people and relationships... even if you are not the one addicted to them, and just addicted to the person who is.
Peace, love, and call block readers!