Same crap, different day, new plan..

Some times we just need an outlet.

Being opinionated is never easy, and rarely goes unnoticed. I have people tell me all the time, "you should write a book". Really? I doubt anyone cares to read 200 plus pages of me ranting about the unfortunate luck I inherited, my asshole friend who has showed true colors, or the mess I have made of my financial situation. We all have a story, and sometimes, I am pretty sure my ridiculous story brings joy to others. This statement is not as cynical as it may sound, I mean, anyone who knows me would be well aware of my humorous spins and attempted strides of positivity in times of awkward bullshit. But there are those few, those are the twisted and righteous people who claim to be your "friend". The frenemies that seem to always stick to you like glue even though every inch of you despises their face lol. Well i am sure they take pleasure in my stories for different reasons. Recently i have realized that ..well... frankly, i don't give a damn. It's always a struggle for anyone with half a brain, a beating heart, and a smidgen of compassion, to decide what kind of person they want to portray themselves as to others. This is where things become unclear to me. I would love to sit back and say that I do not contemplate being one of those "pretend" people. You know the one who jet skis on the weekends and has like,30 people texting at 5pm on a Friday... But that is not who I am. I would love to facebook status how much I love my husband and how perfect my life is, but that would be a total sham. I am real. I battle my weight, I watch stupid teeny bopper sitcoms, I have a beautiful little son who may end up being my only, I loathe my job and my boss even more, I drive a SHITTY car, rent my home, and am currently working on my own version of the "5 year engagement part 2". My life is far from perfect. But all in all... I am real... I say what I feel and tell the truth. Maybe I have issues with "the truth". To me, it is the absolute cure all to any problem. I always feel like telling the truth will bring you sanity in a time of kaos, or free you from self contempt. Maybe I am wrong about that. Part of me is sure the culprit could be  mental damage that comes from years of being lied to by my worthless ex. But at the end of the day, I will be that person. Love me, hate me, or love me than hate me... that's just who I am. Perception is definitely reality. I may have all of these so called "negatives" in my life, but I also am probably one of the most grateful for what I do have. I have come too far to let anything get me down. I survived a horrible 10 year relationship and fought my way into a better one. I had 2 miscarriages only to be blessed with a gorgeous little boy, grayson, who may just be my entire reason for being. I have lived with no car and no place to call home.. Now I sleep well at night knowing I pay my own way. I don't know why I am writing this blog... I guess I am just giving it a try...I don't know where the hell I am going with it, my spelling and grammar are nothing to look at, and my topics may start to become few and far between. Lets hope so... Either way, maybe I can get some therapeutic relief through spilling my guts to strangers online... I guess that must be my new plan. Make it through the day, laugh at what ever i can, and never censor myself... ;)